You can comment, it’s even welcomed, you can write me emails, but please don’t talk to me about it when you see me. At least not about the emotional parts.
I know that if I don’t want people to know this I shouldn’t write it where everyone can find it, but that’s not the thing.
I write what I write here mainly because it gives me a way to express what I think and feel. If any of you feel that they can gain anything from this then great, if not, then I don’t really care. I especially don’t like people coming up to me and saying “Hey dude are you OK, I read your blog and you sounded a bit down”.
Yes, I know I sound like a jackass but I don’t care, this is what I want, and if you can’t respect this then maybe you shouldn’t be reading this.
I feel so empty lately, I feel like I’m fighting windmills. I’ve been on and on trying to make a normal income for the past year or so and no admirable results still. The problem is that a lot of my self image is derived from what I do, and if I suck at what I do, it makes me feel that I suck in general. This feeling continues to linger in my head which then makes me feel less “valuable”. This, in its turn, makes me not approach a lot of women because I feel like I don’t have anything valuable to offer them which is total bullshit but still this is what I feel.
So until I can either achieve my goal or get this shitty thought pattern out of my head I guess it’s going to be hard to start a new relationship.
Yeayy….
On the bright side…..My niece seems to love me more with every day that goes by. Hey, maybe I’ll grow to be one of those weird uncles who are 45 years old and don’t have a family. Cool!
I don’t know, all around me people tell me “get yourself together”, “you have everything you need to make it”, “blah blah blah”. Well, if I have everything….why am I not making it?
Is it a matter of time? Is it a matter of changing strategies? Is it a matter of luck?
Talk about being confused. If anybody here ever navigated in the army and got to a point where he start being a little bit unsure about where he is and if he should continue – there’s a certain feeling you get, a very familiar feeling to anyone who’s ever been in this situation. That is how I feel.
Oh….fuck me…..
Is everything really going to be alright ?
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
YES!!!!
You also might end up being one of those super cool uncles, the ones who are letting their neice use their appartment in Paris over the weekend and giving her wardrobe advice.. I don’t think she’ll be judging you on whether you ever got married (At least I no longer think that being alone at 40 makes you weird).